I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
3pm strippers are depressing
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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