I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
