You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
