"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
