I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
