she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
