Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
