it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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