Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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