Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
