Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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