PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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