the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
