Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
