He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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