There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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