...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
