you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
