come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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