Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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