You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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