i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
