you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
