Girls should come with a carfax report
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
