That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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