You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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