Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
