i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
