We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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