I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
