you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
