shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
