Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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