I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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