Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
