where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
