Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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