6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
