I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
