I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
