Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
