I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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