you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
