I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
there was a trapeze. enough said
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
