I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
