This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
