he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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