I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm bleeding and have questions
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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