Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
