so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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