I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
