Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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