ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
