We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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