where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
