WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
