i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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