4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
