the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
